Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
