Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
