I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
