She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
