So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
do nipples grow back?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
