Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
