I want to stick my p in your. b.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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