Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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