On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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