I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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