real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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