I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm at about main and main street
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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