ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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