I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
