I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
