another moral hangover. fuck.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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