she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I touched a dick in church today
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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