drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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