from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Can you bring me the toilet please
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
