It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize