I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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