got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just googled if crying burns calories
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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