I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
