He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
