During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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