Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
