god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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