Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He kissed a someone with a penis
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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