What did we do last night that was yellow?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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