If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize