i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
