my phone needs a breathalizer
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
a search helicopter?!
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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