Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize