Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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