sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My vagina just recognized that song.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
