Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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