well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
