Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
