There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
