I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
