just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
