Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
