Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
