when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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