Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
