i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
