I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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