Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
