I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
