My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
