last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
