i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
