Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
