So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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