i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
