no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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