Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just invented taco cereal.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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