yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
ugly people sure do ruin things
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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