i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
