Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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