Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
