There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
where are you?
Hypothermia
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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