Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
