yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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