Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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