Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
