i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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