No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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