I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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