Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
