so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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